What is True Happiness?

An age old question. The only other question I can think of in terms of the same severity is “What is the meaning of life?”. Funny thing is I think most people would say Happiness. So if the meaning of life is Happiness, then what is Happiness exactly?

I’ve heard a lot of different answers. And so have you, I’m sure. It’s no surprise then that some people like to say, “There is no right answer”, because Happiness is different for everyone.

Sure. That may be true, but it’s not helpful. At all.

Hence, I’ll disagree. To make this helpful for all of us, let’s examine happiness in detail so that we understand why it may Differ for everyone, and why perhaps, that Doesn’t really matter in the first place.

To help us answer the question of what is the meaning of happiness, I will pose there are are two general types: true and untrue. We’ve heard the term happiness, yet the idea of true happiness seems to be thee one, the holy grail, what everyone is looking for. But what is the difference exactly? And why does it matter? Well, it matters because one applies to everyone — the True — while the other differs for everyone — the Untrue.

We all know there are different sources of happiness. From the happiness we feel from our birthday parties, to the happiness we feel from strong relationships. The idea that there are varying sources and degrees of happiness is not new; Harvard conducted the longest ever study on the matter, starting in 1938 and lasting 80 years. But 2,000 years before even that, Rome’s leading intellectual figure, Seneca, philosophized about the same: the meaning of life and the meaning of happiness.

Whether you’re a fan of stoicism or a faithful servant of Christianity or a fervent believer of Hindu karma, thousands of years of wisdom across nations and realms seem to say the same things:

Untrue Happiness is short-lived and non-meaningful.

True Happiness is long-lived and extremely meaningful.

Also true amongst core belief systems is that True Happiness seems to come from the inner being, independent from the external egotistical world, sustainable for life. On the contrary, Untrue Happiness seems to come exclusively from the external world, from which we depend on to extract a sense of self worth, lasting only temporarily.

It’s important to note, however, that while True Happiness may be seen as the holy grail, there is still validity to Untrue Happiness. After all, why would anyone want to pass the chance at temporary forms of happiness, be it a short laugh from a Dave Chappelle skit, or a really good piece of dessert that you just had to try. There is certainly validity in Untrue Happiness, for it is part of the life experience, but it is not to be confused with True Happiness. In fact, the temporary and dependent nature of Untrue Happiness is not only short lived but often self destructive.

Take YouTubing for example, certainly a source of Untrue Happiness whenever boredom calls. It makes us laugh, feel surprised, and excited about what we haven’t witnessed. Yet, once one video is over, we crave another. And another. And another. To the point where we eventually grow tired of YouTubing and then have nothing left to do. Off to the next social media outlet, and the same occurs. Then off to television, and the same yet again, occurs. All in all, we spend about 7 hours each day on the Internet this way, like hamsters running on a wheel, going in circles towards nothing but oblivion served as an egg sandwich: algorithm-fed content as the buns and kitten videos smashed in between. It’s as if we have become one with the machine, hooked up to our umbilical cords for sustenance like the Matrix. Desperate for happiness, desperate to be pleased.

Feeling a sense of Dystopia? Yes. And I regret to inform you that this is Reality though; no film or novel even comes close to our obsession with the screen. So why do we turn to the screen, still, despite the fact that it only provides temporary happiness?

My theory, shared by others way more knowledgeable than me, is that we have been conditioned to look for Happiness in the outside world. YouTube and television, drugs and sex, money and status are all external sources of happiness. Temporary at best, life ending at worst. It’s then no wonder why people say, “Happiness means something different for everybody.” No shit sherlock. Would you like meth or marijuana as your appetizer today?

Furthermore, the idea that Happiness means something different for everybody is itself a reflection of the consumerist world we live in. Be it the color red or white on a car, the #1 or #2 at In n Out, or the swipe left or right on whichever dozen dating apps you’re on, “happiness” in a consumerist world resembles a menu or catalog of sorts (Free Shipping over $50). And what’s more is that beyond the material realm, we depend on others for acceptance and self-esteem, likes and reactions, and everything in between. As such, we find ourselves dependent on the external world for virtually all of our “happiness", material and emotional.

That’s because it’s not True Happiness. Asking whether I want fries with my double-single isn’t a question of True Happiness, no, it’s a question of temporary, superficial, Untrue Happiness. It will only make me happy for the amount of time it takes to eat it, and even then, I may or may not be satisfied.

So like hunger, our longing for True Happiness keeps coming back. Every day, we continue to consume the things that make us happy, but not truly happy. In fact, our entire Economy depends on you to be unhappy. Just think about it: because you are unhappy, you buy all these things trying to be happy, but since this false sense of happiness is only temporary, you keep buying more things. To be happy. An endless loop. A dependency of the same sort as drug dependency: selfish, destructive, and never ending.

So what then is True Happiness?

True Happiness is the state of being. Seriously. That’s it. Being.

Human beings are not known as Human were’s or Human will be’s. We are called Human beings for the present — and the present is exactly that: a present. A gift. Anyone who has ever experienced anxiety or fear knows exactly what I mean; you become a Human will be. It’s as if you’re a different species or person at those times, fearful of the world and everything out to get you. Anxiety sucks. Trust me, I know.

Likewise, if you have ever experienced extreme regret or accumulated hatred for something or someone, well, you’ve become a Human were. You’re stuck in the past, and no matter how hard you try to shake it, you feel how you feel. It is what it is. Traumas and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Death and Depression, and Anger and Hatred are all parts of the Human were.

So what does it mean to be? If True Happiness is really that simple, how does one do it or learn it?

Well, I’ve got good news and bad news. It’s not necessarily bad news, but becoming truly happy is a process, so it’ll take time. Just as Luke reluctantly had a lot to learn from Master Yoda, you’ll have to develop some skills first. Which brings me to the good news: everyone can become truly happy. True Happiness is a learned state. Like the Force and the Jedi, it takes self-awareness, good information, and deliberate practice. Not all of this will be easy, but that’s exactly how it was meant to be.

As the Mandalorian say, this is the way.

Suggested reading for next time:
Where is Happiness, an essay by Steven M Taylor